Fruitless in San Juan and the pain of July 5th

The event of not seeing fireworks in San Juan on July 4th is largely representative of Puerto Rico in general. Everyone in my town told us, me and Grace and her visiting bf that Old San Juan is the place to go on July 4th. The three of us, incrediblyl skeptical about the possibility of entering Old San Juan with the traffic situation, headed out. Once parked we started to ask around if there were going to be fireworks and where. Everyone gave us the same answer, "We thought so.... but it doesn't really look like it. . . " There weren't many people there. We saw fireworks beginning about 20 miles away, low to the groud across the bay and sat down to watch, just in case they were the only fireworks we were to see. And they were. Grace's bf, Geremy from Seattle then coined the term "Fruitless in San Juan." True. Hilariously Puerto Rico, no one knows exactly whats going down.
But the night did provide a few more entertaining moments. We met one of the 4 electricians for the US Coast Guard, getting very drunk and very eager to talk about the doings of the Coast Guard. His rablings were interesting, including how if your in the military and your not paid to scratch your ass, then you don't do it. Since there are 4 electricians for 150 Coast Guards in Puerto Rico, he replaces light bulbs every few days and basically does nothing else. So I kept asking questions to see what else would leak out of his mouth. He continued to tell disturbing truths about how the Coast Guard's job to keep immigrants from setting foot on land, because once they do they are safe, really is just a big game of shark and minnows. So there are planes that survey the water, and they coordinate with coast guard ships to intercept people. He's been on the boats a few times, and explained that when they intercept attempters they usually get them on board, give them blankets because they've usually been at sea for a few days, a majority of them coming from Dominican Republic or Cuba. Then they take them back from wherever they came from. He said the success rate of making it if you attempt is about 40%, the other 60% are either caught or drown. They come on small speed boats, sometimes with 30 unprepared people. He was a nice guy who went on to rant, furiously that if everyone who tried to come to the US just stood up to better their country, it wouldn't be like this. Intense shit, I had to take a break after hearing the story. SOME kinda patriotic July 4th. . .
So maybe I should have thought ahead of time about this, but it is a BAD IDEA to take 2 dogs walking on the beaches in Puerto Rico on July 5th. Can you guess why? Trash and bbq chicken and fist bones EVERYWHERE!!!! I was excited for a walk on the beach with 2 dogs, and I was going to get them, Pandora and Ginger to play with a ball instead of just gnawing on each other's ears. Everything went wrong as soon a I let them off the leash. They ran in the direction of a quiet thicket, where there was a couple getting IT on. I got all nervous and flustered and w/o making too much eye contact chased the doggies around until I got them both back on their leashes, which they continued to twist around each other and tangle. The only way to make these 2 dogs keep moving when they smell something fishy or are into playing is to start running and they run with me. Once I finally go their leashes untangeled, I started running, but right next to me there happened to be a cement wall about 1 foot high, which I fell over, pretty f-ing hard. So my legs are and look pretty beat up right now, a week later. I blame it on July 5th.